A Wedding Toast

Those of us blessed with being asked to be maids or matrons of honor are also plagued by the fact that at some point during the wedding reception you are going to have to speak into a microphone in front of a large number of people. For pretty much everyone on the face of the planet, this is terrifying. Thoughts about what one should say are difficult to formulate into coherent paragraphs, much less statements. And for us female folk, there is also the knowledge that at some point during your speech you are most likely going to start crying.

My dilemma was not so much that I was going to be speaking in front of nearly 300 people (Thank you, youth ministry job, for teaching me many lessons regarding speeches in front of large audiences with whom you are unfamiliar!) My dilemma was simply that I was at a loss for what to say that would translate well in a room where I only really know half the people. Also, there were some still hurt feelings on my part that were nagging at me from my own wedding when a speech intended to be humorous did not exactly come across as planned, which at first made me less than enthused to give my own speech. At least my prior knowledge gave me a good starting point.

From an internet search for tips on how to give a decent wedding toast, I formulated an outline from multiple sites that proved to be very helpful and would recommend to others:

1. Introduce yourself (Not everyone is going to know who you are, of course.)
2. Provide a funny story or memory about the bride, groom, or couple.
3. Give some thoughts about love and marriage.
4. Articulate a wish, blessing, or toast for the bride and groom.

As always, the key to good speech-giving is to keep it short and sweet, otherwise known as get to the point. The more one rambles, the more likely it is that something could go amiss. Also, while I had gone over a basic speech in my head numerous times in the weeks before the wedding, I knew how extremely important it was to write it down. The moment the speech begins is usually the moment when your brain goes blank, so it is handy to have some notes close at hand.

Unfortunately, I did not find the time to write my thoughts down until the morning of the wedding. While we sat in the hair salon, I scribbled and re-scribbled my speech. I would recommend completing this earlier, but as a first-year teacher at a school, I do not exactly have a lot of free time these days. I had the foresight to bring note cards along since I knew I would have some down time that morning. I did not have the foresight that writing my speech was going to involve tearing up, which wreaked havoc on the false eyelashes the makeup artist had just applied. Oops.

Mom and I are trying to get a snap closed on the back of my sister's dress.

When it came time for me to speak, I opened with telling guests if anyone wanted to make money, they should pull out cell phones, start timing, and take bets on how long it was going to take until I started crying. It did get a good laugh, which helped break the ice for me a bit, and it helped to make me not feel so nervous. It was a good start.

Now of course I did not follow the written script word for word, but going off-script does have its consequences. After introducing myself, I spoke about how I could go on about stories of all the shenanigans my sister and I participated in as children, like when we used Crayola markers on our eyelids to make it look as if we were wearing eye shadow. (Thank you, Barbie doll, for that inspiration.) I also briefly mentioned the time I pushed my sister off the bed [when we were jumping on it] and she cracked open her head. At the time we were quite young, and I thought she was going to die. Our older brother tried, unhelpfully, to console me and told me that everything would be okay because if Katie died we could just get a new sister. It was here I nearly lost composure, but I paused and asked who won the bet to give me time to stop crying. After I was ready to proceed, I explained how my sister always tells me I am a mother hen to her, so I was going to do just that that evening.

My written speech was as follows:

For those who do not know me, I am Katie's [older] sister Amanda, also known by Rosie just to confuse people. I can attest I am happy to be here on such a joyous occasion, and I would like to thank Mom and Dad, Carol and Paul for hosting today. It is always a delight to see the hard work of preparation and planning come to fruition.

Perhaps Katie and Chad have heard many jokes over the years about when were they going to get married, much to the consternation of my sister, but all things happen for a reason and in their own time. Katie and Chad, today is your time.

Not too long ago, Pope Francis was in the news for commenting about couples throwing plates at each other, which by all means if you feel the need to do, I highly encourage it. But the news stories forgot to mention the rest of his message. Pope Francis went on to say, "Love is stronger than the moments in which we argue, and I therefore always advise married couples never to let the day draw to an end without making peace. There is no need to call in the United Nation peacekeeper. A little gesture is enough: a caress, see you tomorrow, and tomorrow we start afresh. This is life, and we must face it in this way, with the courage of living it together. Marriage is beautiful."

Katie and Chad, while I cannot promise all of your days will be as blissful as today, I can promise you the Beatles were correct when they sang, "Love is all you need." But they did miss a few other important things for a good marriage. Since I'm a teacher, we're going to review a few important phrases every couple needs to know, so pay attention because there'll be a quiz later. Repeat after me:

Proszę. Bitte. Please.

Dziękuję. Danke schön. Thank you.

Przykro mi. Es tut mir leid. I'm sorry.

Keep those sayings in your marriage toolbox, and they'll fix almost anything.

Walt Whitman once wrote, "The strongest and sweetest songs yet remain to be sung." Katie and Chad may you find many sweet songs to sing together in the years ahead, and may God bless you as you begin this new adventure in life together. To Katie and Chad!

Lamentably, the brief crying incident made me extremely nervous whereas before I had felt rather composed. Because of this, I skipped over a few sentences here and there, and I was definitely shaking more the longer I spoke. I guess that is why they call it the jitters! Thankfully, I was collected enough to ad-lib a few additional things, like how Pope Francis had my back on my suggestion that the Beatles missed a few items or explaining I had to include Polish and German into the key phrases to repeat since our family comes from those traditions.

On the bright side, the only thing I really regret is that I forgot to tell the guests to raise their glasses for the toast. I remembered it at the very last, but it felt so anti-climatic to me. You are your own worst critic, though. So, advice I would give to any future speech giver is to jot notes down about when to prompt guests to raise their glasses, just in case.

My beautiful sister the bride and me at the wedding reception.

At the same time, it was great to see my sister and now brother-in-law full of such joy that evening. That should always be the focus of celebrating a marriage. I do not know what it is about weddings, but they certainly display the best of what humanity has to offer. The bride in particular is so radiant. In general, a smile is plastered across her face from dawn until well past dusk, and it makes her glow all the more. It was a gaiety to sit back and watch my sister because I do not think I have ever seen her as joyful or beautiful as she appeared on her wedding day.